September/October 2024 HAWAII PARENT 153 SPECIFIC PRAISE REINFORCES POSITIVE BEHAVIOR. A simple ‘good job’ could lead a child to question, ‘for what?’. “Parents should try to be specific about their praise, so that their children know exactly what they did to deserve the recognition,” emphasizes Loomis. For example, if you are working on specific skills and manners with your young child, such as saying ‘thank you’, be sure to praise her when she tells aunty ‘thank you’, by saying something like, “You made aunty feel happy when you told her ‘thank you’.” This type of praise reinforces positive behavior and identifies the specific skill - eliminating any guessing. After receiving a not-so-good grade on a math test, encourage your child to take certain steps to improve his score, and when he does, specifically praise him for learning from mistakes: “Nice job talking to your teacher to get extra tutoring. I am proud you studied more carefully for this test and checked your answers before turning it in. You even got a better grade because of your efforts!” BE SINCERE: DON’T SAY, “AWESOME JOB!” IF IT’S NOT. “Be honest about your praise, because children know when it is undeserving,” says Loomis. If your child is not exerting his or her best efforts, do not offer general praise for trying; instead ask, “Did you try your best by [stating specific efforts he or she could have exerted]?” “Praise should also be appropriate and not inflated,” explains Loomis. “Excessive praise can cause some children stress, so it “This type of praise reinforces positive behavior and identifies the specific skill - eliminating any guessing.”
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