124 Hawaii Parent SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2026 Never Do for a Child What They Can Do for Themselves Kids as young as elementary school are capable of handling things like cleaning their rooms, organizing their backpacks, or even doing basic chores around the house. I witnessed this while tutoring two brothers who attend Waikele Elementary School. They would help each other move wet clothes from the washer to the dryer, wash their own dishes, and make sure the trash from every room was taken to the main garbage bin. Here are five practical strategies to break the cycle of overparenting. Ask “What” Questions Instead of Telling Children What to Do Instead of nagging his second grader, a dad asked his daughter “what” questions to get her to problem-solve. When he found her shoes in the middle of the hallway, he asked, “What’s the plan for these shoes?” instead of demanding that she “move her shoes before someone trips over them.” It forced her to look at the situation and take some ownership of the chore. Let Them Experience “Safe Failures” Instead of rushing to school to drop off items like homework, lunch, or water bottles, give children an opportunity to figure out how to plan ahead. One of my sixth-grade students at Mililani Middle School learned to put a note on her backpack to remind her of what to bring since her mom refused to drop off any missed items. 1. 2. 3.
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