122 Hawaii Parent SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2026 Lack of Resilience A close friend of mine shared that her daughter, who recently graduated from a private school, asked her mom to write her college entrance essay because many of her friends’ mothers had written theirs. Doing a child’s work causes kids to feel their own work doesn’t meet their parents’ expectations and question their academic skills. Poor Decision-Making Skills A mother whose daughter attended Hawaii Baptist Academy realized her daughter questioned her decision-making skills even after graduating from college with honors. She believes her overparenting caused her daughter’s learned helplessness. Relying on her mom’s approval deprived her of strengthening her problem-solving skills. Crippling Dependency I’ve witnessed parents contact their child’s teachers asking if their child could receive extra credit to improve their grades. A mom whose son was a sophomore at Honolulu Community College emailed the professor asking if he had any incomplete assignments. The message children receive is that their parents lack confidence in their abilities, resulting in continued co-dependency. A Sense of Entitlement Several of my students expect their parents to solve their problems, correct their mistakes, and shield them from adversity. Children feel the world revolves around them, stunting their development of empathy and teamwork. Unhealthy Coping Skills When parents micromanage their children, preventing them from learning natural consequences, their children lack emotional regulation skills, causing them to fall apart when life doesn’t go their way. Delayed Independence A few of my friends at the Leeward YMCA and the Mililani YMCA share that their adult children and grandchildren lack basic life skills. They believe that when we prevent our children from struggling, they continue to depend on their parents and grandparents to guide them in making simple decisions or solving daily challenges.
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