Fear of Trying New Things During tutoring sessions, most of my students who strive for perfection are reluctant to try new academic strategies or activities, feeling it’s too risky because they may be imperfect. A first-grader once admitted that he fears losing, whether it’s playing a video game or trying a new sport, so he avoids trying anything new altogether. Cheating or Lying My students who fear severe consequences may hide their struggles by lying about their grades, cheating, or even throwing away notes from teachers about their behavior. A few years ago, my high school student hid his report card, intending to enjoy his freedom until his mom inevitably discovered he had failed history class. Social Withdrawal Some of the parents I coach worry that their children are avoiding social interactions. During our coaching sessions, their children often share fears of being embarrassed or judged. They would rather avoid activities where they might feel self-conscious. Over time, these fears can contribute to anxiety around social situations, making it harder for them to engage in conversations and connect with others. Family Conflict Children who feel pressured to be perfect may struggle to cope with overwhelming emotions, leading to arguments and meltdowns. I’ve witnessed the intense pressure some students feel to please their parents spill over into emotional outbursts. Are perfect parenting expectations worth destroying the family’s peace? 122 Hawaii Parent NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2026
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