80 Hawaii Parent March/April 2026 are spoken to face-to-face rather than from across the room or over their heads, they are less likely to tune out the message and more likely to take it seriously. Clarity is another key ingredient. Children understand best when instructions are simple, specific, and appropriate for their age. Long explanations can overwhelm them, especially when they are tired or upset. Saying too much can make it harder for children to follow through. A helpful approach is to give information in small pieces and watch for signs that your child has had enough, such as fidgeting, spacing out, or avoiding eye contact. If their attention is not fully present, pause and wait for a more optimal moment to deliver the message. Does it Matter How I Say it? What parents say always carries an emotional message. Words, tone, and timing communicate how a parent feels about a child. A quick dismissal or distracted response can unintentionally signal that a child’s needs are not important. Many parents feel deep love and acceptance toward their children, but this has to be communicated through words and actions. Children cannot assume how we feel; they learn it from what we say and how we say it. Even small moments matter! The tone we use, whether we drop what we are doing just to lay eyes on them, and whether our response feels warm, validating, or dismissive allshape how children interpret our intentions. When children regularly experience communication that feels attentive and respectful, they are more likely to stay engaged and receptive. When that sense of acceptance is missing, children may stop listening, not because they don’t care, but because they don’t feel emotionally met. Be Curious Curiosity is a powerful tool. When parents are genuinely curious about their children’s thoughts and feelings, without hidden agendas or judgment, children are more likely to open up. Ask about their perspectives and show interest in their preferences. Approach the conversation like a reporter who simply wants to understand someone’s life, rather than someone trying to change it or poke holes in it. At the same time, be careful not to ask too many questions, as this can feel overwhelming and cause children to withdraw. Many older children avoid conversation when it starts to feel like an interrogation.
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