March/April 2026 Hawaii Parent 79 any parents come in feeling frustrated and confused. They describe repeating themselves over and over, raising their voice, and still feeling ignored. In many families, however, the issue is not defiance on the child’s part, but a communication breakdown. Communication is how information moves from one person to another. It happens through words, but also through tone of voice, facial expressions, eye contact, and body language. Because children learn how communication works by watching their parents, every interaction is shaping how they listen, how they speak, and how they see themselves. Why Does Communication Matter? The way parents communicate with their children matters because it directly affects relationships. When communication is open and effective, relationships tend to be stronger. Research shows that children who experience respectful communication are more likely to feel heard and understood, which in turn supports self-esteem. They also tend to see their parents as reliable and trustworthy. In contrast, communication that is negative, dismissive, or inconsistent can lead children to feel unimportant or misunderstood. Over time, these children may stop trying to talk or stop taking directions seriously. Parents who communicate clearly and consistently are more likely to have children who cooperate, because those children know what to expect and feel secure in their role within the family. What’s the Issue Here? One of the most common communication problems happens before a parent even finishes a sentence. Many parents give instructions while their child is distracted, such as playing a game on their computer or using their phone. In those moments, the child’s attention is elsewhere, even if they appear to hear the words. When this pattern repeats, children learn that they do not need to respond right away because the request will be repeated. Parents then feel ignored and grow more frustrated. Another issue is that when parents feel their messages are not being heard, they may start to nag, lecture, threaten, yell, or use sarcasm and guilt, often without realizing that these responses can cause children to shut down quickly. What Can I Do to Communicate Better? A simple but powerful change is to make sure your child has your full attention before you speak. Walk over to them, pause the activity, and make eye contact. When children M
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy MTcxMjMwNg==