Instead of always answering their ‘whys,’ teach kids how to search for answers and draw their own conclusions. 76 HAWAII PARENT September/October 2025 want the argumentative behavior to stop. Saying, “Okay, you can stay up past your bedtime” or “Go ahead and eat a cookie before dinner” feels easier than putting their foot down. Keep in mind the negative consequences of breaking your nonnegotiable rules. You’ll have to answer, “Why did you change your mind last time when you let me eat a cookie before dinner?” A Developing Brain Needs Space to Learn Children’s brains aren’t fully developed until their mid-to-late twenties. So, each time frustration builds, remember that children are naturally wired to want answers, which fuels their learning. Parents are wired to answer questions, and often feel uncomfortable saying, “I don’t know.” When “Why?” Signals Frustration Occasionally, children may ask “why” to express their frustration. They aren’t being defiant, but testing boundaries, processing information they don’t understand, and craving to be understood. It’s similar to parents asking their children: “Why don’t you just listen?”, “Why do you keep asking me again and again when the answer is no?”, or “Why do you keep annoying your brother?” Consistency Matters More Than Convenience Children may also continue to make a request, thinking that maybe if they ask repeatedly, the “no” answer may turn to “yes.” This sometimes happens when exhausted parents give in because they "Sometimes kids ask 'why' out of frustration — not defiance, but to test limits or make sense of things."
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