time, but rarely are they taught how. Parents can teach strategies. Skills like deep breathing, mindfulness (e.g. 5-4-3-21 grounding technique), squeezing a stress ball, or even using humor to shift gears, can seem insignificant, but they are powerful in those challenging moments. It is important to note that these tools work best when practiced regularly, not just during a meltdown. Remember that one of the most powerful tools you have is through modeling regulation yourself. Let your child see how you handle stress. Say things like, “I was starting to feel really overwhelmed, so I stepped outside for a minute.” These moments show that regulation is something everyone works on, not just kids. And over time, they’ll begin to notice that if you can do it, maybe they can too. Dr. Elsa Lee is a neuropsychologist and clinical director at Assets School. She oversees the Transforming Lives Center that provides psychoeducational and neuropsychological evaluations for schoolaged children in Hawai’i. Helping kids name their feelings is another simple but effective strategy. When a parent says, “You seem really frustrated that your project isn’t turning out the way you thought,” it helps the child feel seen. Naming the emotion creates space between the feeling and the reaction. There’s a saying by child psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel that goes “If you can name it, you can tame it.” Identifying a feeling helps kids understand what’s going on inside, and that understanding makes it easier to know what to do next. Sometimes, the best way to support regulation is to change the conditions around a task. If mornings always turn into battles or homework brings tears, it may be time to adjust the routine. A checklist, a short break between assignments, or a visual timer to show how much time is left can reduce the cognitive and psychological load. The goal is not to remove all difficulty, but to make hard tasks feel manageable instead of overwhelming. Offering real coping tools also makes a difference. Kids hear “calm down” all the Before kids an manage emotions, they need to feel safe expressing them. "Skills like deep breathing, squeezing a stress ball, or using humor to shift gears can seem insignificant, but they are powerful in challenging moments." 156 HAWAII PARENT September/October 2025
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