152 HAWAII PARENT September/October 2025 take the bait in every argument. Try not to demand immediate emotional clarity or a thorough explanation. And certainly, don’t assume they are already too old to need your support! Teens benefit tremendously from hearing empathic words like “I get that you’re angry. Let’s take a break and come back to this.” That calm and firm tone teaches them how to respond when they are in conflict. The Research Is Clear: Parent Regulation Matters A large 2021 meta-analysis by ZimmerGembeck and colleagues looked at 53 studies on parent emotion regulation. The findings were consistent. Parents who managed their own emotions well were more likely to use warm, consistent, and supportive parenting strategies. Their children showed better emotion regulation and fewer signs of anxiety, depression, or behavior issues. On the other hand, parents adult who stays grounded when things get hard. This process is called co-regulation. A regulated adult helps a dysregulated child return to balance. Over time, the child begins to internalize the process, and eventually, they start using those skills on their own. But here’s the catch: co-regulation only works when adults are able to regulate themselves. If a parent yells, slams the door, or shuts down emotionally, the child gets a very different message: that big feelings are dangerous or that they are on their own. That’s not what we want to reinforce. Adolescents need co-regulation just as much as young kids, even if they act like they don’t. They are dealing with complex emotions, evolving identities, and major academic and social pressures. Their brains are still learning to manage impulses and think ahead. Your job as a parent is to remain a consistent, calm, and warm presence. Don’t Emotional outbursts are normal as children learn to self-regulate. "Some emotional outbursts are normal, but repeated ones disrupting school, friendships, or home life may signal poor regulation skills."
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