September/October 2025 HAWAII PARENT 151 be hard enough for a fully grown adult who has navigated life for two or three decades. Imagine telling a six-year-old child who has just begun to learn the more nuanced terms like “frustrated”, “embarrassed” to go through all these steps and manage their “big emotions”. Young children who have not yet developed the skills will find it very difficult if not impossible to take control of their emotions, especially when things become too overwhelming. When they do experience meltdowns, often they are not “bad behaviors”. Rather, they reflect signs of a nervous system that may be flooded, overwhelmed, or overstimulated. While some emotional outbursts are normal, repeated ones that interfere with school, friendships, or home life can point to a lack of regulation skills. These are the moments when children and teens most need guidance. Kids Learn to Regulate by Borrowing Calm Here’s the truth: children don’t learn emotional regulation by being told to calm down. They learn it by experiencing calm through a parent, caregiver, or a trusted
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