will create a stronger bond. Your child will understand that “no” means “no.” Don’t shame or name-call. “Stop acting like a spoiled brat” makes them identify with the negative label. These negative labels may stay with them throughout adulthood. As a parent coach, I’ve witnessed parents share that they don’t want to pass on bratty behavior because they were formerly brats. Be clear and consistent. Create family rules with your child’s input to build ownership, encouraging cooperation and respect. Working as a team teaches your child essential skills, such as decision-making, negotiation, and understanding the consequences of their actions. Don’t give in to manipulation. Children are master manipulators and experts at attempting to negotiate to get their way. Even giving in occasionally sends the message that rules aren’t set in stone. Avoid taking it personally. Reactions or words from a child are usually a reaction to frustration, not a reflection on anyone. Overreacting can worsen the situasomeone for the ugliest shirt in the world?!” You tell them to clean their room as you’ve seen families of cockroaches scatter whenever you open their door. Instead of cooperating, you feel exasperated hearing, “It’s MY room, and I have a right to keep it the way I want!” Respect is far more valued than obeying. Children may obey fearing the consequences, or feel resentment, feeling as if they’re living in a mental prison. When they think they have no control, are constantly being told what to do, what they’re doing wrong, and punished for not obeying, the only way they know how to express their anger is through tantrums. So, how can you banish bratty behavior? It may be impossible to prevent an occasional opposition from your child, but practice a few of these tips to reduce tantrums and increase cooperation. Be empathetic, not permissive. Saying, “I know you’re upset because you can’t get that toy, but the answer is no. Maybe another time.” Consistent responses, delivered with a compassionate tone, 136 HAWAII PARENT November/December 2025 Behind every tantrum is a child struggling to communicate. “When they think they have no control, are constantly being told what to do or what they’re doing wrong the only way they know how to express their anger is through tantrums.”
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