My students told me they weren’t focusing in class or not living up to their potential and shared their worries with me during our tutoring sessions. They feel they will never be seen as a good student unless they aim for perfection. When I remind them that making mistakes is okay and that we all make mistakes, they shake their heads in defiance, saying they will be punished if their report cards are lower than a “B.” This academic pressure does not build a growth mindset, as students focus more on getting the right grades than learning the material. Learning from Life’s Waves Learning to navigate the rollercoaster of emotions is like the waves I’ve witnessed at the beach. Some crash into surfers, causing them to tumble into rough, foaming waves. Other waves carry the surfers effortlessly as they ride their longboards to them to fail periodically without worrying that they won’t be able to handle adversity. Trust me, I’ve learned the worst-case scenario rarely becomes a reality. Kids are way more resilient than we give them credit for. The Rising Pressure on Students I’ve recently noticed that today’s students possess higher anxiety than students in previous generations. The pressure to take honors classes and sometimes earn an associate’s degree while they earn their high school diploma was not even a goal to strive for a few decades ago. Parents didn’t expect us to choose our major and take the right college prep classes to advance when they enrolled as college freshmen. The Cost of Perfectionism Kindergarteners are expected to create PowerPoint presentations and receive critical comments that hurt their self-esteem. Use whatever wave comes your way to your advantage. 114 HAWAII PARENT May/June 2025 “We need to allow them to fail periodically without worrying that they won’t be able to handle adversity”
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