fail are the ones who suffer fewer worries and tend to exhibit higher confidence. They see mistakes as part of their journey. My students who are afraid of the negative consequences (having video games or phone privileges taken away) develop anxiety as they feel pressured to achieve the honor roll certificate. Recently, a fifth grader shared that his teacher developed an incentive plan to help him improve his focusing skills. He would earn extra computer game privileges whenever his teacher observed him staying on task during class. My student shared that this incentive motivated him to focus rather than be threatened to stay in for recess if he wasn’t focused. A growth mindset is sometimes achieved with fewer punitive consequences and more rewards. Supporting Instead of Shielding Our job as parents is not to prevent our children from hardships. Our job is to support them when they fall. We need to allow Rethinking Success and Self-Worth As a private tutor and a parent who believed high grades would increase the chances of success, I encouraged my daughters to study hard, do extra credit, and aim for the honor roll. I mistakenly believed that their accomplishments defined their value. I failed to see their mistakes and occasional low grades as an opportunity to learn and build resilience. Seeing the Bigger Picture Help your child see the big picture. Let’s teach our future adults that life isn’t about pursuing happiness and accomplishing our goals. It’s about the tiny nuggets of joy between the stressful, frustrating pieces of the Game of Life. Some of us focus on the jagged pieces, while those who are happier prioritize seeing the hidden gifts of the challenges we experience. The Power of a Growth Mindset As an educator for nearly three decades, I’ve seen my students who aren’t afraid to 112 HAWAII PARENT May/June 2025 Kids today are facing more internal anxieties and external pressure than ever before. “It’s about learning the hidden gifts of the low grades, broken hearts, and losses”
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