3. Dedicate 15 minutes where they can express their feelings without judgment or lectures about what triggered their outburst. Ask them how they can handle future anger situations without losing their temper. Brainstorming ideas automatically melts away anger. 4. Develop a relaxation chart that shows methods for achieving calmness. This offers different calming techniques, such as counting to ten or selecting a preferred scented lotion, before giving themselves a foot and hand massage. A fun creative option is participating in a favorite activity like puzzles or finger painting. New calming methods can be added to the chart whenever children think of different relaxation ideas. The Hidden Gifts of Strong Willed Children Most parents fail to realize the hidden gift of their strong-willed child. Stubborn behavior may be signs of leadership skills, assertiveness, and critical thinking. While raising children who are quick to anger can be challenging, they can be the best teachers for parents, teaching patience and compassion. When you feel frustrated with endless “why” questions, take a deep breath, and envision your child’s passionate curiosity leading to creative discoveries. 70 HAWAII PARENT July/August 2025 1. Set a timer for 1 minute, and request siblings to smile and hug each other. 2. Standing nose to nose with a sibling for 2 minutes changes their mood because of the silliness of an unusual interaction. 3. After taking 3 deep breaths, each sibling sits crossing their legs while sitting with their knees touching. Ask them to share a positive trait about their sibling. 4. Moods can change when environments change. Set a timer for 10 minutes and request siblings to run around the yard or each room of the house. 5. Choose a fun book and each sibling takes turns reading a page for 10 minutes. The key to guiding strong-willed siblings from boiling with anger to simmering with peace is to teach them the importance of emotional regulation. When children understand that it’s normal to be upset, and increase their EQ skills, they learn effective ways to process their feelings in healthy ways. Teaching empathy by having each child put themselves in their sibling’s shoes offers insight on building better relationships, managing overwhelm, and preparing them for the real world as adults. Encourage Reflection, Not Rejection Instead of enforcing time-outs as a punishment, here are options that offer reflection time. Parents may feel time-outs need to be a negative consequence, but reflection time offers children an outlet to diffuse their anger. 1. Read a fun book or watch a show then share their favorite scenes. 2. Create a calm-down area where they listen to calming music while practicing deep breathing and expressing their feelings through drawing. Scribbling with crayons and ripping their paper afterwards helps process their anger. Karen K.C. Gibson, founder of “Letting Go with Aloha,” is a parent coach and author of One Hundred Parenting Tips Inspired by the Pandemic, Mama’s Gotta Let Go, and 365 Parenting Affirmations and Quotes. She also runs Brain Builders, a tutoring service since 1999, and coauthored The Power to Rise Above. Learn more at karenthebrainbuilder.com and lettinggowithaloha.com. “Strong-willed children aren’t difficult, they’re determined. With empathy and creativity, we’re building tomorrow’s leaders.”
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