66 HAWAII PARENT July/August 2025 frustration. Tempers flare, and frustrated parents often take away electronic privileges for a month or more. Writing down an agreement, along with its consequences, may help prevent behavioral issues. If a strong-willed child hears, “If you don’t finish your tasks of making the bed, putting away clean clothes, and putting your dirty laundry in the hamper by 5 pm today, your weekend movie plans will be canceled,” they will understand the expectations and be clear about the consequences. If they actively be punished for poor behavior, explain expectations. They will be less likely to resist because of frustration if they understand the rules. Blurred rules cause confusion in strongwilled children. Confusion often leads to temper tantrums. Why Immediate Consequences are more Effective “I didn’t know you meant to clean my room today,” or “You didn’t say how much of my room needs to be cleaned” are possible excuses that will lead to parental When kids push back, it isn’t always defiance. Sometimes, it’s a signal they’re overwhelmed or unsure about what’s expected. “When children understand that it’s normal to be upset, and increase their EQ skills, they learn effective ways to process their feelings in healthy ways.”
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